mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
