If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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