The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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