Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
