ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
