Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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