the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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