Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's just like the Real World with babies
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
