i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
