My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
