My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
