Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
