butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
