quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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