and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
