I murdered the dance floor call the cops
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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