So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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