but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
