I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
