I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
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I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize