That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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