So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
