you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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