he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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