Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
