Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
