The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
