I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
