You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
