i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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