Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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