I'm gonna have a badass scar
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
