You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
