New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
