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you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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