Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
