She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
