her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I still have a little drunk in my system
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
