White coat. Heels.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
