standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She bit a glass in half.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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