STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
