They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
