I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
