In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
