I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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