Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
