is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Even my vagina gasped.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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