and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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