he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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