then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
