We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm just crazy horny about you
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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