Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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