I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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