if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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