He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Drake has all the answers
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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