DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
