I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
