Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
