If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
